February 17, 2007
~ Randomly...
Many times, when I'm at work, I mean, when I'm in a transition, like walking to my office or walking to the MRT or trying to get lunch among the crowd, I feel foreign. Foreign to the past 3 years in my life. The 24 to 26 of age.
Initially, because of Kay telling me it felt unrealistic, it's like the last 2 years never happened. I retained that sentence in my mind rather vividly. Perhaps cos, like people with ASD, the visual always has more impact than the verbal. It's as if that period was just a figment of my imagination. Because the person I shared a large part of that period with had the heart to tell me it felt unrealistic to her. Just when I was beginning to think so many things in life are so not real. Everything began to prove her point.
Then, because if the two years with her felt foreign, the things and the people that were also part of those two years must be, in relation, somewhat foreign too. It's only when I think of CJ and Zie then I can tell myself I really was a part of the school then. I really made friends then. And I really helped, no matter how little, to make a difference to all the students whose lives I shared, whose tantrums I handled, whose laughter I helped instill.
And yet, yet, the most significant part, most significant person of this period of time felt like a dream.
When long ago, someone told me I was a mistake, at least, he acknowledged that we had something going on but it was just a mistake. Sometimes, I do think that that is way better, less cruel than telling me what I thought I had going on in my life has turned out to be as real as a dream.
But, the pace at work is starting to quicken. I have my own project now. So, time flies. And that's better, I agreed with Apple. And that makes me treasure time more, I agreed with Wenn.
So, in this passing of time, I just, still have fleeting moments when I wonder what actually happened in the last 2 years. But, only fleeting moments.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 16:19